Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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