Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
