Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
