Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
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20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
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Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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