First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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