Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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