i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
