wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
