You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Randomize
