You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
