Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
