I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
