There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
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