wakey wakey hands off snakey
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
