the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
