she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
