All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
