The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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