one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Randomize
