K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
