I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
