the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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