I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
