i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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