Sober January is a disaster.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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