"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
