I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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