I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
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