tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I am mentally ready for anal.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Randomize