just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
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