If that was your dad, he is hot
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Randomize
