I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
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