So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize