In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
