Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
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They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
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Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
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