Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
