First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
