When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
