Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
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