good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
