I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
