and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
