call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
