i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
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No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
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It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
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