The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
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