They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Randomize
