Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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