2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
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