HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
