People in love make me want to vomit
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
