wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
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Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
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I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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