An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
