Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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