Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
