I am midnight drunk by noon
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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