when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
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