I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
