I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
