the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
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