the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
