after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
