I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
