You can't special order awesome
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Randomize