that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
