I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Randomize
