I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Randomize
