How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
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