sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Those nachos came to me in a dream
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Randomize
