How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
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