The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
Randomize
