It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
