Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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