i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
